The more things change, the more they stay the same; and so it is with the games children play. From Dares and Catch to Tok-Tokkie, it’s all about restoring power to the children.
Games where children are in charge, and where they make up the rules, empower them to feel competent and able to overcome psychological challenges.
A recent outing made me think a little deeper about the games children play. A few days back, we – a few adults and a whole bunch of children – went for supper to a shopping mall. Naturally, the children, aged between five and nine, took off to circumnavigate the shopping centre at frantic, hamster-like speeds. Round and round they went.
“Why didn’t you play catch-catch?” they asked afterwards. “Adults like to have a nice glass of wine and eat dinner while talking. It’s our idea of catch-catch.”
It turns out the children hadn’t only run around like demented rodents, but had also played a version of that childhood game that has stood the test of time: Dares. Just one of the games children like to play. “We made Anthony sit on the dustbin and pretend he was on the toilet. He had to ask somebody who walked past for toilet paper,” the children explained.
How I remember the excitement of these childhood games, particularly the ones that involved disrupting the adult status quo.
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Back in the day
I’m thinking not only of Dare but also Tok-Tokkie, now apparently renamed to Ding Dong Ditch. Remember that childhood game? You’d ring the doorbell of some unsuspecting neighbour and then run away in a flurry of nerves and daring before anyone came to the door. Of course it must have been infuriating for the adults to have their peaceful Sunday afternoons constantly interrupted, but it was fun.
Whereas some games might be here today but gone tomorrow in favour of the next hot, new craze, games that go a bit deeper – that are in essence mind games – seem destined to stay the distance. So what is it about Tok-Tokkie or Dare (which is upgraded to Truth or Dare as one hits adolescence) that makes these games children play stick around?
As mentioned, these games are disruptors: they return power to children. If there’s one thing that unites children across time and geography, it’s a sense of powerlessness in the face of a (largely incomprehensible) external world. These games invert the status quo: children are in charge, and they’re making up the rules. This is obviously intoxicating, in part because it only lasts a short while before everything returns to how it should be.
Ages and stages
Perhaps there’s another reason. The famous psychologist Erik Erikson divides a person’s life, from infancy to death, into eight life stages. It’s both gratifying and slightly depressing to think of oneself moving through this conveyor belt of life. However, I think that when games mirror the psychological challenge of specific life stages they have particular resonance.
Between the ages of 5 and 12, primary school children are facing the psychological crisis of industry versus inferiority, claims Erikson. They’re asking: “Can I make it in the world of people and things? Am I competent?” Imagine, then, the appeal of games that set them challenges, that make them create a situation out of nothing, as in the case of Dares, and then get others on board their version of reality. It’s psychologically compelling.
So, next time a child rings your doorbell at four on a Sunday afternoon (just as you’ve drifted off for an afternoon nap) or asks you for toilet paper in the middle of the mall, remember these small disruptors are playing out their specific psychological challenges. Don’t worry, you get your psychological challenges as well. The last one we apparently face, says Erikson, is whether we’ve achieved wisdom, which apparently entails answering this question: Is it okay to have been me? That’s is going to be a tough question to answer, but maybe there are some games we can think up in our dotage to get our minds around it.
