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Little Vampires
A child who repeatedly sinks their gnashers into the skin of a playmate is not cute. Here’s some advice
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The saying ‘once bitten, twice shy’ takes on new meaning if you watch four-year-old Malu* playing with her friends. In fact, it would be accurate to say, ‘trying’ to play with her friends. Today, a group of seven similarly aged girls has been playing house in Malu’s back garden. They have fashioned a tent of sorts, using plastic pool furniture as a frame, which they have covered with sleeping bags and lined with sun-faded floral cushions. They are taking it all very seriously. No one is allowed to stand on the ‘bed’; redheaded Rose is ‘mom’, and so is the only one allowed in the ‘kitchen’. Malu is not allowed in the ‘house’ at all. She’s curled up quite dejectedly just left of the ‘doorway’ and is feeling left out. In fact, it seems that for the others, the most serious thing of all is ensuring they don’t come too close to her. She’s the ‘dog’ in this Sunday-afternoon game, and they know she bites.
“She’s actually hurt quite a few children over the years,” says her mother. “It started when she was about two, but then a lot of the children were biting, so I just thought it was normal. But last year she bit someone at school so badly that she drew blood, and I was called in. They asked me to change her school, which I did. These are new friends, but she’s bitten one or two of them before. I have to watch them very closely when they play, to make sure it doesn’t happen again. And watching this game is breaking my heart.”
According to Carin Bester, a clinical psychologist based at The Health Team Family Treatment Centre in Mouille Point, Cape Town, biting is ‘normal developmental behaviour’, along with hitting, slapping, pinching, scratching and knocking down. “It usually starts around 12 months when toddlers are mobile and have a few teeth. It peaks between 15 and 20 months, decreasing by two-and-a-half years of age. Research shows that over half of all toddlers bite at some stage,” Bester says. “Biting seems to worry parents and caregivers very much, and they sometimes overreact due to the perceived social inappropriateness of the behaviour,” she adds.
But Malu should really have stopped it by now, and I can’t help but wonder if part of this problem isn’t an under-reaction from her nevertheless distraught parents. What’s important to understand, though, is that children like Malu aren’t necessarily mean or sadistic. They don’t set out intentionally to cause pain to other children. “Biting is simply a form of communication due to limited verbal abilities. The small child wants to be independent and free but lacks the necessary verbal skills to express themselves appropriately. This causes frustration and acting-out behaviour. Temper tantrums and biting go hand in hand; biting can almost be seen as a severe temper tantrum,” notes Bester. Other factors that can cause a child to bite include overexcitement, attention seeking, anger or being tired or hungry, she adds. If ‘normal’, isolated developmental biting occurs, what is called for is ‘consistent boundary setting’.
If a child over the age of three continues to bite, the problem demands attention. “It could be that the child is being teased, or feels like they are in danger,” Bester says. “A psychological assessment of the child and their environment is needed. This entails an interview with the parents and play-based assessment sessions with the child. Regressive behaviour, such as biting and tantrums, usually coincides with familial and environmental influences, so collateral information from the child’s teachers and caregivers is useful. Play therapy can offer a safe space where the child can express and deal with their emotions constructively,” she says.
Let’s hope that Malu’s parents are listening. It can’t be any fun being Malu, in the dog box.
*Name has been changed
How big a problem is biting?
According to an Educare First Aid and Childcare Course newsletter, bite wounds account for 1% of all emergency-room visits, with dog bites making up 85%, and cat bites for 10%. Human bites account for just 3%, but they cause the most deaths. Educare points out that more people in South Africa die every year from human bites than from snake bites. They also say that dog bites become infected in about 20% of cases, cat bites in about 50%, and human bites, a whopping 80%. With the prevalence of HIV infection, biting needs to be taken extremely seriously.
Educare suggests that if a child is bitten, take the following first-aid steps: Remove the child from the situation and, if there is bleeding, apply pressure to the wound. Wash the wound well with antiseptic soap and water, pat dry and apply antibiotic cream and, if necessary, a plaster or bandage. Call for help or go to an emergency room in the following circumstances: the wound is deep or gaping, you cannot stop the bleeding, there are signs of infection, the victim has not had a tetanus booster in the last five years or if you are worried and don’t know what to do.
Sound bites
Do…
- Stop the biting the moment it starts.
- Give a clear message: ‘Biting is bad.’
- Go to the child’s level and firmly say, “No biting!” Then remove the child from the situation.
- Administer an appropriate consequence.
- Model empathy and care for the bitten toddler.
Don’t…
- Ever bite the child back.
- Give the child an alternative object to bite.
- Allow biting to become a form of play.
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